DEAR ABBY: My late husband and I were married 38 years when we finally went to marriage counseling. I found out then that he had slept with my sister early in our marriage. I had suspected he’d also had an affair with his uncle’s wife. (They were very close in age.) This, too, was confirmed in counseling.
My sister was recently home because of our mom’s health, and it was a struggle to be in the same hospital room with her. As far as the other gal, there are a few occasional family get-togethers, which I avoid because of her.
I need help. How do I deal with this after all these years? — NOT OVER IT YET
DEAR NOT OVER IT: Take back your life. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Tell your sister and the other woman that you know they slept with your husband. And at the next family get-together, tell the rest of your relatives why you avoided all those previous get-togethers so they don’t think they were the reason.
DEAR ABBY: There’s a woman at work I am drawn to, but I’m tired of getting turned down. She’s very talkative with me and asks me lots of questions, but when I have come on to her, I am rebuffed. She says she has a boyfriend. I’m not sure why she’s so friendly with me, but I feel I’m getting mixed messages.
In our job, we occasionally have to work side by side, and when that happens, I’m conflicted about whether to open up or shut down. Maybe I should ask if she still has a boyfriend and, if she does, communicate about the task at hand. The idle chatting is becoming uncomfortable, because I want something more. What’s the best course of action? — NEXT TO HER IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR NEXT TO HER: Asking her again if she still has a boyfriend would not be out of line. However, if her answer is yes, forget about anything more than a cordial work relationship because not every attraction is mutual. Concentrate on work while you’re there, and look elsewhere for romance after hours.
DEAR ABBY: I dated this lady for three months. She wanted to wait to commit to a relationship before having sex. We had limited time to see each other — Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. We would go out and return to her place and be very passionate, although we didn’t have sex because of her religious beliefs.
She has now decided not to pursue a relationship with me because she didn’t feel the “flame” of a connection with me. After all this kissing, hugging and getting close to sex at times, how could she feel this way? Was I played? — TOTALLY CONFUSED IN TEXAS
DEAR CONFUSED: Give the lady marks for being honest if she couldn’t return your ardor. Depending upon what she was getting from the relationship in addition to kissing, hugging and passion, whether you were played is a question only you can answer.
(Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.)
